Wednesday, January 2, 2013

right now.

I have not felt the pull to write anything here.
At all.
 I feel no guilt about it. I am just doing stuff off line, and that is a really great thing. I still don't know what this space will evolve into, but I do know it must change or die.
I instagram when I want.
I FB when I want.
I tweet when I want.
I pinterest when I want.
I post here when I want.
I seem to be off my computer. I am doing more stuff with my kids.
Their stuff.
Even if my kids are on their computers, I am enjoying watching them. I used to let them do their stuff but we did not truly connect over it.
Sure they love it, but I did not experience that love.
But I am now.
When they say Mom, come and look at this house, or my crops, and I see how happy they are of this great thing that they have created. I am truly in awe of how complicated a set up my almost 8 and 10 year old have created. They are so happy that I am impressed.
I kind of get it now.
We hold hands, and they tell me all these crazy creeper and tobuskus ( sp?) stories. I now play Slender with them.
 I scream too, and they laugh with me.
It is awesome.
Marlin and I are connecting over the books that she is devouring. I mean in the sense that she is reading 426 pages in two days.
Hunger Games done.
 Harry Potter half way done.
 Divergent series probably tomorrow.
In a month!
A single month.
She loves pinterest, and instagram, and has taught me a trick or two..
It used to be different. They did their stuff, I did mine.
I didn't get it.
I missed out.
I used to pop in and out. Always thinking about this space, a draft, an idea, partly to preserve memories, partly to keep an audience. I had my little voice here to spout what I felt was my truth. Share my life. I just don't feel that drive anymore. I love my life, and my truth very much, but I want to covet it, savor it. I don't want to show and tell so much. I am not saying that is all that blogging is, at all. I know some passionate bloggers, and writing is an outlet really.
But it never was for me.
 I need a camera, not a keyboard. My energy here to put words to my pictures, is better used elsewhere in my life. I don't really need the words, the story is there in my pictures, shown more beautifully than I ever will be able to convey
I am becoming something else.
I want to focus on love.
On what makes my family happy.
On what makes me happy.
Maybe it's because I am approaching 40 or something, but I don't want to be the observer or documenter any more. I want to be the immersed, the participant. If I am here reliving my yesterdays,  I am not really in the right now.
I won't forget this. I have my snapshots.
I am loving the right now, right now.


Jessica said...

You have been on a blogging journey for a while now. You will find the place to settle that feels right. Maybe it won't be here, but somewhere else, and you will begin a new path! Have fun finding the right place!

Shel said...

I think just like all facets of life even blogging has its ebb and flow. I am grateful to be connected to you on Facebook, Instagram, and Pintrest! Here's to hoping we can visit in 2013!

Homeschool said...

I will follow you wherever you are!

Frogcreek said...

Aw thanks for all the love and encouragement guys! I don't know what I am planning, or if there is a plan? I am just speaking, mumbling really. So... that. and maybe I am just working it out. Who knows, I just know that I am really liking being able to turn it on and off as I please, you know?

Helena said...

In answer to your last sentence/question: Yes! I know—I get it, absolutely!

Writing for YOU, when you feel like it, when you feel present and willing and ready, is when it makes sense to be here. That's how I feel about my space, at least, so your words here really resonate for me. Yes, and yes, I know.

Isn't it extraordinary and lovely to be alive? Doing and Being and actively taking part in everything around you…it's so magical. I am so happy to hear about everything you're embracing right now. And I love that we are connected, that I get to see your photos and your view of the world, and I am so glad I know you.

Frogcreek said...

Hey Helena! I love you!
Why are you so FAR away! Ah well, there's always pictures, right?

Andrea said...

I get it! I get it!