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Saturday, July 25, 2009

Feeling so lazy because my brain is on fire

in a good way. Ever since that damn camping trip, I have been all laid back, hanging with the kids.
 Actually this week went by so fast, I can't believe it's the weekend already.
 Happens like that now and then.
 We are still having a crappy summer weather wise. There have been a few decent days.
 A few.
 This was one of them.
 We had a nice playdate with a whole gaggle of friends, did some art, and skateboard ramp stuff.
 2 of the bathrooms smell like pee. I can't find the source, I have bleached, wiped, scrubbed. Can't figure it out. 
Boys....
 Look at the puppy.
It's hard not to eat her.
She is kind of a tricked out dog. Doing really well with the house training. She knows how to sit, lie down, give paw and is currently mastering the beginnings of roll over. We are wanting play dead ( BANG!) and beg. Bet she'll do it!
Good doggie!.
 Chicks are getting big. They are currently outside now in a rabbit hutch. Soon they'll be with the big chickens. About 5 more months untill we see an egg.
I wonder how many roosters there will be?
Look at E's belly. 
Quite the scene of mayhem and death.
See the mauled seals blood wafting up to the shark?
Love it!
 M got her retainer. 
Kind of exciting.
 She is obsessed with the fact that it needs to be in for 12 hours.
 12 hours.
12.
TWELVE
Grandpa came over tonight to celebrate his birthday!
He brought chocolate ice cream cake!
Well anyway, it's been a weird week. Perpetual house cleaning, with not a lot of progress. Lots of time with the puppy, and playing around outside. Me realizing that summer is nearly over and I feel cheated.
 Our good friends Julie and Ryan are leaving, moving away. 
 It'll be good for them.
I know we will visit, stay in touch.
But it won't be the same.
 wah.
WAH!
 I have a feeling it'll be a long winter.
My kids are all about workbooks and math this week. I find it rather amusing. It's totally on their terms, they stop when they please, don't do it for a week, sometimes finish one book in 2 days. Sometimes when they are bored or arguing, I will mention some bookwork, they get excited to do them.
 I guess it is fun and challenging when it's on your own terms and not mandatory.
 I have had conflicted feelings about unschooling. Not in a doubting way. But I love to see what they know, and how they tackle new problems. I love to have lots of resources on hand, and like to leave them about. I do mention sitting with me to kill time working on a few probs in a book when there is interpersonal drama going on.
I feel like a traitor or that I am not a true "unschooler"
 But then again I feel like if the kids want to do it sometimes, and that I respect when they say no, then we are all good.
I think I need to accept than I am a rabid strewer, and that I plant lots of stuff around for them to discover with an intention that it will be fun for them, whether mere exposure or a deft interest begins. That I  find pleasure watching their thought processes as they muddle through a difficult prob, and I feel so excited when I see the joy on their faces when they have overcome a challenge. And as long as the learning is in their control and pace, it's fine, and I should stop torturing myself about it.
Stop 
the 
 incessant
 back and forth.
In my brain.
 Am I doing enough?
Wanting proof too much?
Lack of trust?
 That's where the labels throw me for a loop. 
I need to stop reading stuff, and just do what feels right for all of us. I need to just work on cultivating mindfulness.
I think I worry about everybody else's needs and put mine on the back burner.
 Well that just doesn't work.
 All this thinking.
 Makes me crazy.
 Crazy as a loon.




8 comments:

MamaTea said...

Ah yes, the label of unschooling. Its a tricky one. And so unfortunate that people (like you. like me.) can often get caught up in the back and forth of it. I have diehard homeschooler friends who say I'm an unschooler for x, y , and z reason. I have unschooling friends who say I'm not an unschooler for x, y, and z reason. Seriously. Its enough to make you loony. :)

You just keep on doing what you are doing. If it is working, then that's all that matters. Who cares what its called?

MamaLou said...

You describe what goes on in my head perfectly. I wish I could stop worrrying and just observe.....strew strew strew.....

Heart Rockin Mama said...

loon ;)

Stephanie said...

I was thinking yesterday that it's time around here for some Juice.
Not sure in what form, though.

I think you're right on the money with the Mindfulness, and paying keen attention to how the process goes. If it feels icky... figure out why and go from there.
If it feels liberating and freeing and right... then Be with that.

Sometimes I resent the elitist Unschooling title... it can feel lonely and awfully stiff and regimented for something that is supposed to be loving and liberated.
For those of us whom believe in it so whole-heartedly, I resent that having something like a workbook in the house (regardless of how freely it is taken up or ignored) or doing an experiment and saying, "Hey, come check this out!!" can make us feel like others are judging us as lacking. :( Don't like that.
It gets weird when you know you can't change the forms and rules and still call it the same thing... and so we worry.
Bah!

I really think the difference is in the Freedom.
Suggestions are fine and good... "Wanna go to ___?"
"Wanna break out the ___?"
"Wanna read ___?"

We all need inspiration and Juice.

Big, big hugs to you.
I'm so sorry that (I'm assuming) Waldorf Julie is moving away!! :(

Ruralmama said...

Oh boy do I hear ya. We are out there in "not fitting in a succinct category" land as well. My kids do bookwork because they like it and have never been in the position of being forced to do it, so therefore they LIKE it. So...are we unschooling? Because they direct themselves...unless they ask me for ideas, which then I do the strewing thing as well.....
Ah..who cares?!? Apparently me, somedays. But other days I'm just as likely to tell you that it "don't bother me none".
Hey... I got an idea... you could call it "frogschooling"!

mamak said...

Thank you all! Frogschooling it be!
Really, I know you all relate to this, and sometimes I get in a weird funk about it. I love how I can put this out there, and your words are like a big kiss on my brain owie. Thanks! Love- the loon

Rosemarie said...

Enjoy what you do and know that the kids are always learning from whatever you are doing.

Love 2B Homeschoolers said...

“I need to stop reading stuff, and just do what feels right for all of us.”

It gets easier as you get further along. Promise.

The pee thing...it could actually be under the bottom of the toilet where it meets the floor. A friend told me she put in a new toilet once and was floored by the amount of crud under the old one she took out. She made sure to seal the new one against the floor when she put it in. HTH.