Tuesday, December 23, 2008


 I just wanted to thank all that have sent over kind words or funny memories of our Nigel. We are all feeling much better and peaceful about it all.
 It has been accepted.
 It's hard to look at the empty favorite spots he used to lay.
Anyway, many have asked how the kids are doing.
 Very well.
 When I found him, I was about to put more wood on the burner before we left for guitar lessons. The kids were already strapped up in the car. As I passed Nigel to enter the furnace, I noticed that he was just staring. Something I noticed was odd, but continued to do my task. When I came back out. There he was. I called to him.
 My eyes locked on his chest.
 5 seconds, nothing.
 I knelt by him and gave him a little shake.
 It was sinking in now.
 I can't recall the words, but my voice was loud.
 I picked his head up and noticed the deep purple color within.
 I did a few chest compressions, but realized that if he was this purple, his brain was gone.
 I raced upstairs to call A.
He was heading home. 
I walked out to the car. As soon as I opened the house door, the tears were falling fast.
I opened the car and the kids who were talking stopped and stared.
 I said " Nigel died, you should come in and say goodbye"
K and M had a seroius stare and went immediately in the house.
E was staring at me and he started laughing.
But you could see in his face he was nervous. I have never cried like this before.
So I carried him in.
 M's head was on Nigels chest and she was crying.
 K's eyes were welled with tears, he was silent but cradling Nigel's head.
 E just stared for a few minutes.
 We were all telling Nigel that we loved him and how much we would miss him.
 All of a sudden E understood, and he cried and cried for a good 10 minutes. He was so sad that he would never again see Nigel.
We cancelled our day and stayed home to heal.
After the initial hard cry, the kids seemed to move on.
 At peace.
 Not so much.
Somewhere in the blur that was the day, I heard M tell K the most beautiful explanation.
 In this house, we each have our own beliefs about spirituality. Each persons thoughts are respected and supported. No one tries to change anyones beliefs. 
 They are just accepted.
 M by far, is the most spiritual of the children.
 She is fascinated by the paranormal, and believes strongly in souls, a God/Goddess, or many Gods and Goddesses, she can't be sure, and an after life of some kind, or another life.
 At some point, K asked M how is Nigel somewhere else, if his body was right there?
M took K's hands in hers, kneeled before him, and went on to say without much thought or hesitation,
"K, do you know how a caterpillar has a chrysalis?
You know how when it's time, the caterpillar breaks free of the shell and flies off on a journey?
The shell is left behind. It's the same for bodies when something dies. Your inside goes off, and the body is the shell, but it's empty. That's why he just lies there. He has already gone off.
And that was that. Off to play. So simple to her and so true. 
I sobbed.
and sobbed.
and sobbed.
For Nigel.
 And for Butterflies.-K


Heart Rockin Mama said...

What a beautiful explanation. I am glad you are finding peace.

Stephanie said...

So beautiful.
I'm so glad you shared this sweetness with us.
Loves and more loves to you.

Dawn said...

What a beautiful little girl you have.

Anonymous said...


Kim said...

That is by far the most beautiful explanation of death that I've ever heard! I love a child's perspective:)

julie said...

She explained it so well and so beautiful.

EC said...

I'm weeping. What a wonderful explanation!